A Net of Hope

It’s not been easy. It’s been hard, leaving the comfort of what I’ve known over the past 33 years. A place I finally called home after growing up overseas. It’s easy to talk about fresh starts, but the doing of a fresh start is another matter. I’m sure some of you have mastered the moving and adjusting to new places. There are new sounds, new roads, new climates to adjust to along with figuring out a new rhythm.

Right now, I just want to cry, and I do. I cry tears of grief in the leaving; tears of joy in the abundance of love in my new marriage. All are tears of cleansing and balancing. I’m learning to hold the tension of joy and grief. Joy in finding the one my heart longs for, and grief in leaving the familiar behind.

I want to clench my fists closed and raise my hand in frustration and anger; but at the same time I open my arms wide with palms open in eager expectation of what, and who, my Heavenly Father wants to reveal to me. I wake up not knowing which day or even moment will manifest itself. I hold onto the knowing that I am perfectly loved. Period.

My Heavenly Father continues to reveal Himself in the waiting. I don’t have a job, yet. I wait, sometimes anxiously, sometimes with gratitude. I haven’t found community, yet. I wait, sometimes lonely and sometimes with gratitude.

I thought I was doing a good job at mastering the waiting and the “being” part of life. Now I have time to discover a new beauty, a new “being”, a new way. What an opportunity! What an adventure! It’s just not been easy.