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The word ‘in’ has me intrigued.

I looked the word up on my Dictionary.com app and did a quick search. Here are a few of my findings.

In-as a preposition, it is used to indicate inclusion within, indicate limitation or qualification, situation or condition, relation, means, direction, motion or purpose.

So, what does inclusion mean? According to the dictionary app: the act of including, state of including.

Include/including: to be made up of, contain. 

What does ‘indicate’ mean? As a verb it means to be a sign of, to point to or out, to show, to state or express. When used as a verb, to be or give a sign, to point out or show.

When I put these together I can rephrase Genesis 1:1 as to point to the beginning, or included in the beginning, a sign that is included in the beginning. The act or state of pointing out, showing. What about ‘point out the purpose’ of the beginning. 

So much nuance in a little word. Why does it matter? I am a word geek at times. I don’t know why certain words grab my attention. When I am intrigued I try to pause and consider the what, the why and maybe even the how.

The picture I have in my mind when I hear the word “in” is being surrounded by something. Whether it be me being ‘in my shirt’, or when baking I put flour ‘in the recipe’, or maybe placing something ‘in the cabinet’. There are so many pictures that come to mind when I try to picture the word ‘in’. Using this word as the very first word in the Bible must be important. 

Some questions that come to mind are:

What or who is in?

What or who is in where?

Could the wording just as easily be “God, in the beginning”, or “God, the beginning in”? Does it matter? Why am I so intrigued by these questions? 

Maybe the new year has me thinking of new beginnings and what they mean in my life. I know I won’t figure them out today, or any day soon. I do know thinking stretches my mind and heart.

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Depths

Impossible to explore

Always the same yet ever changing

Mighty one day

Calm, subdued the next

A wealth of knowledge plunged within your deep

What fascination holds my attention for hours on end

Wondering, thoughtful cadence of waves rushing white upon the sand

Sand, full of precious thoughts my Creator thinks of me

Not mad, not angry but tender as He holds me close to Him…I am His and He is mine

Oh, the depths of His love I can not fathom

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Wrestling. Boxing. Ugh. Why would anyone put themselves intentionally in a ring to fight for their life? I don’t get it  and yet I do…

The extent of my knowledge of wrestling and boxing (yes, I know they are two different sports) comes from Rocky. I picture Rocky cracking those eggs and gulping them down. Or the iconic scene of him running up the stairs, breaking through his physical and mental barriers. Left, right, jab-jab-jab. It’s exhausting. It’s exhilarating. How about the scenes in the ring when his eyes are almost swollen shut or his nose is bleeding…painful to look at and painful to experience. 

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Soon

I want to walk

Carefree through the leaves

Dragging my feet

Crunching crisp leaves freshly fallen

Cool mountain air nipping at my ears

Snuggled in hugs of oversized sweaters

Autumn musk scents wafting up

I just want to walk my mountain dream and colors blazing

Refreshed

Soon

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I spoke the words out loud “I need beauty in my life”

Not a want…

A soul-thirst need to connect

My soul greedily absorbing colors, aromas, surrounding landscapes

Soaking in nourishment and sustenance for the day

July 2021


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Eyes cast upward

While heart breaking

Melt the hardness of my heart

Help me see clearly

Your way, not mine

People hurting, blind eyes weeping

Are they? Or rage just spilling—exploding outward

Help me see what You see

Sides not heard

Voicing , acting out of pain

Who will be the ones to rise as peacemakers

The way forward…messy

Have our true selves really come forward?

Peacemakers? Where are you?

Peacemakers come forward…

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An Invitation

I would like to invite you to have a conversation. I true heart to heart conversation about the “state of your heart”. A dialogue with yourself or those you feel safe to expose your own insecurities.

I would like to invite you to empty your hands and pockets of the stones you want to throw. You’ve heard the saying, “those who live in glass houses should not throw stones”.

This is a response or reaction, I’m honestly not sure which one, to events, people’s responses and reactions to what is going on in the world around me. I’ll start with a confession…

I’m not Black

I’m not a police officer

I’m not a doctor

I’m not a scientist

I’m not a lot of other “categories” that we use to label and distinguish one from another.

I am, however, someone who has had a change of heart. If you had asked me a few years ago, “Do you believe people really are doing the best they can?” My emphatic answer would have been, “Hell no!” You see, I believed people, and especially myself, could always be doing something to be better, think better, smarter, creativer (yes, I know that’s not a word), etc. The drive for perfection, or at least the illusion of perfection, is hard wired in me. There was no room for failure or disappointment in myself.

I’ve had a change of heart. I’ve changed my “perfection” lens to a “doing the best I can” lens. Perfection leaves little to no room for change. It leaves no room to pivot. Perfection leaves no room to learn or unlearn. There is only one Perfect One, and it’s not me.

I’ve done some deep soul searching work over the past few years. It’s been brutal. It’s been beautiful. I continue to do the work. I continue to lean into the discomfort of learning and unlearning about the world at work around me. I continue to get curious about who I am and continue to explore my beliefs and why I believe the way I do. I push myself to learn. I examine when I need to unlearn something. I read. I listen. I write.

I am doing the best I can. I am enough.

 

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Keep asking

Keep asking questions

Get curious

Learn

Unlearn

Don’t stop becoming

Life

Breath

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Hope

Hope, teeming with possibility

Helping launch out into discovery

Wandering purposefully to engage my whole being

It  may look reckless, my intent on becoming

It is not a destination to conquer, but

An awakening of Presence

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About…

Every once in a while I go and read my “About” for my site. I want to make sure it still lines up with me and who I want to be in this life. What caught my eye today is, “I am learning to live a wholehearted and connected life“.

Wow! I needed to read this today. I needed to be reminded that I am learning. I needed the reminder that wholehearted and connected are what I actively desire to live out in every area of my life.

But what does it mean? What does it look like? Messy. Wholeheartedness and connectedness is messy. I have to dive deep into my feelings and show up for myself and others. It’s ridiculously hard for me some days. I want to throw in the towel, stomp my feet and pout some days. Sometimes I want to dance and twirl and sing at the top of my lungs.

Wholehearted and connected means I don’t have the answers. It means I show up in people’s lives (including my own), peoples lives that are full of pain, joy, and sorrow. It is knowing when to open my mouth and when to be silent.

Wholehearted and connected means listening. Listening with my eyes, ears, body, mind, soul, and spirit. I don’t always like what I hear. I’m selfish. I want things my way. I want everything just right.

Wholeheartedness and connectedness means I am not alone. I let people into my life. I voice my heart. I voice my thoughts and opinions in loving and thoughtful ways through words and actions. It’s an extremely vulnerable place of strength.

Yes, I am learning. It is worth feeling all the feelings. It is worth the work and learning curve. I am created to be fully alive living from a place of wholeheartedness and connectedness.

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