A Net of Hope

Fear rears it’s ugly head and threatens to suck the life from my very soul

Do I turn and run?

Do I stare it in the face?

Fear only grows when faced with fear

Love melts fear away

It has to scatter or be scooped up and put in its place

Love will take care of my fear

I chose love

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I will conquer the beast that threatens to ravage my heart

It will not be by sword or weapons of hate

Only weapons of love will slay this beast

I will lay a blanket of kindness across my breast smothering the lies that threaten my soul

Love will win

Love conquers all

I will conquer the beast within

I am…

…enough

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As day light breaks across night time shadows

Waking a world of coldness

The darkness honors the light and bows out

Always light over darkness

Defined by light?

Defined by darkness?

Why not honor both…

1/8/18

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The dark night of the soul tiptoed from out of the shadows

drawn to the dawning light of the new day

creeping ever so slowly

finding comfort in the warmth

melting the darkness away

breathing in…

breathing out…

breathing in…

breathing out…

lungs filled with life

a new start

a new dawn

a new day…

1/3/18

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A few years ago I was given a peace lily for an end of school year thank you. It was a precious gift, and my only hope was that I could keep it alive long enough to enjoy its beauty. I set it in my home and I enjoyed its beauty and pleasant thoughts of the adorable boy who had gifted it to me. When it began to wilt, I watered it. 

Somewhere along the way, I started to neglect it and really not pay it much attention. It stubbornly held on and continued to survive. It became root bound and leafy, but never bloomed. 

When I moved, I took this plant with me.  It was a gift and something inside of me wanted to see it survive and flourish. Last summer I almost threw it away because, well, it was sad and pathetic looking. Instead, I took it out of its old planter, divided it up into about six other planters and left them to die on the deck. Every once in a while I’d throw some water on them, but mostly, I ignored them. I figured I’d already killed  them and they didn’t have a chance. 

Survive and flourish is exactly what each of those tender little plants accomplished. I looked down one day as I passed them by on the deck, and they were all green! Tiny little shoots reaching up begging to be recognized. They had made it! 

I did what any sane person would do, I started talking to them and gently coaxing them along. I’m not sure why I hadn’t thought of that before. I placed them on the deck railing where I could keep my eye on them. I poked around in the dirt for them and watered them when they became dry.  I continued to speak gently to them. 

Fall and winter came and I took them indoors. I was enjoying my new plants and taking care of them. One day as I passed by, I noticed a bloom. Yes, a beautiful bloom. New growth. New bloom. New life. 

Not all have bloomed yet, but all are surviving and flourishing. I was able to share a small peace lily plant with my daughter this past week. I transferred it into a pretty new pot for her to enjoy at her new home. 

A simple gift of thanks from the heart of a four year boy multiples over and over. What will I multiply today? Gratitude? Thankfulness? Kindness? Yes. Yes. Yes. 

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A picture embedded in my heart and mind is me as a little girl swinging in the back yard. I am pumping my legs, going as high in the sky as I can possibly get. I am singing at the top of my lungs, “Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day! I’ve got a beautiful feeling, everything’s going my way!”

I often return to that memory when life is difficult and seems too heavy to carry. I can still feel the sun on my face, the motion of my legs, long, golden blonde hair trialing behind me, the wooden seat, the rough chains on my hands…a stop motion for all eternity.

Carefree…

Innocent…

Pure JOY…

A little girl safe in her world and surrounded by love and belonging. Just now I sat back in my chair, coffee in hand, eyes closed, transported in time to that moment. Different this time, instead of watching from the brick pathway in our yard, I climbed back on the swing and saw the world from that little girls perspective. Tears flowed as I gazed up into clear blue skies, birds singing with me, the clamor of the apartments surrounding our home in Chiayi silenced, a song rising up from my belly…

I have never participated in the tradition of Lent. I was going to give up sugar or chocolate for Lent but instead I’m giving up holding onto anger. It feels good to let go. It is not easy to let go of something that has become  so familiar. I am allowing myself to feel it, move through it and release the anger when it comes, because it does come and will continue to come as long as I have breath.

When you give something up, a void is left and something will fill the void. I am choosing to fill the void with swinging and sliding. I work with four and five-year old children. We have a slide on our playground. I haven’t gone down the slide everyday, but I am making a conscious effort to go down the slide. I am making a choice to be surrounded by love and belonging.

The slide…

The swing…

Oh what a beautiful morning!

Oh, what a beautiful day!

I’ve got a beautiful feeling…

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Clean it or stop complaining! You know that annoying “spot” that obstructs your beautiful view of your world? That’s the one. You know what I’m talking about.
I sat down this morning to have a “moment” of inspiration to start off the new year. I made my perfect cup of coffee. I had my most snuggly flannel outfit on to hug me for my stay-at-home day. This is the “spot” that caught my eye…

I have this beautiful view I had seen the other day…

…and after the snow

All I could see is the “spot”…

Ugh! Every time I would see past it to ponder the new year the “spot” reared its ugly head. I was wanting to sit back, relax, read and write. Finally that little voice inside said, “Get up and clean it or stop complaining”! I stopped complaining inwardly and got up off my tush and cleaned the spot. It took no longer than 5 minutes to get my glass cleaner, paper towels, my shoes on and  clean it up. I needed to clean the inside and and outside of the window to get the spot and the streaks, and the other cobwebs and gunk I found. But what a view…

“My Spot” turned into my moment of inspiration to start my year off. What am I going to focus on in 2017?  If I don’t like what I see, am I going to make changes? Most changes that need to be made are simple things but they are not always easy. I know what I need to do, it is doing it that is sometimes difficult.

Today I chose to focus on being…Present, His Princess, Belonging

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Welcome to my sanctuary where the vaulted ceilings are limitless and I must squint my eyes to focus on the divine colors that nourish my ragged soul.

As I enter the Holy of Holies I am met with a tender breath of mercy grazing my flushed cheeks. I inhale the fragrant incense of the autumn air and my lungs are filled with refreshing hope. 

Pain and sorrow meet joy and beauty as a hushed sacred moment of expectancy fills the space where heaven and earth collide. It takes my breath away to be present in this hallowed space. Do I dare gaze upon the beauty of this moment so unexpectantly  thrust upon me? To hold space with life so painful and a joy so divine, every cell of my being feeling the sorrow yet a beauty unexplained envelopes my senses. 

Have mercy on me, this cross I do not want to bear. Have mercy on me for I need ears to hear and eyes to see, and a willing spirit to comprehend. 

My sacred sanctuary filled with life and death alike. My soul longing for rest that only a Lover of my soul can bring. My sacred sanctuary where my Beloved holds space with me and is fully present. My sanctuary…

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The road we travel can be scary…

Not knowing what is coming around the next curve is unnerving at times. I’ve faced some challenges over the past few years that have left me searching for answers I never thought I was in need of answering.

I thought the road and trail would look like this…

A lush, green, and smooth trailhead beckoning me to enjoy the journey. Instead I’ve experienced this…a bumpy, unclear and knotted trail…

And this…an uphill and exhausting climb. 
Thankfully I’ve been surrounded by encouraging friends and family who cheer me on in my journey. I’ve also had those divine moments spoken by a stranger to encourage me to move forward. Like this brief conversation from a hike a few weeks ago…

Hiking along the trail we meet a party hiking back down. A lady asks, “Is this your first time here?” “Yes”, I reply. She goes on to say, “You’ll feel like giving up. But don’t. It is so worth it.”

About twenty minutes later we run into a couple with a dog. We ask how much further? “Oh, about three more creeks.” I look at my daughter and ask, “what the heck does that mean?”  
It was actually 5 more creek crossings until we found our falls…

Totally worth the hike, the energy and time spent to enjoy a moment of refreshing.

The knotty trail ended in this beauty…

I’m learning to enjoy the descent along with the climb back up. I’m taking time to stop and notice…

I’m definitely enjoying driving the curves of my glorious mountain roads that twist, dip, turn and beckon me ever faster along my life’s journey…

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