A Net of Hope

A picture embedded in my heart and mind is me as a little girl swinging in the back yard. I am pumping my legs, going as high in the sky as I can possibly get. I am singing at the top of my lungs, “Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day! I’ve got a beautiful feeling, everything’s going my way!”

I often return to that memory when life is difficult and seems too heavy to carry. I can still feel the sun on my face, the motion of my legs, long, golden blonde hair trialing behind me, the wooden seat, the rough chains on my hands…a stop motion for all eternity.

Carefree…

Innocent…

Pure JOY…

A little girl safe in her world and surrounded by love and belonging. Just now I sat back in my chair, coffee in hand, eyes closed, transported in time to that moment. Different this time, instead of watching from the brick pathway in our yard, I climbed back on the swing and saw the world from that little girls perspective. Tears flowed as I gazed up into clear blue skies, birds singing with me, the clamor of the apartments surrounding our home in Chiayi silenced, a song rising up from my belly…

I have never participated in the tradition of Lent. I was going to give up sugar or chocolate for Lent but instead I’m giving up holding onto anger. It feels good to let go. It is not easy to let go of something that has become  so familiar. I am allowing myself to feel it, move through it and release the anger when it comes, because it does come and will continue to come as long as I have breath.

When you give something up, a void is left and something will fill the void. I am choosing to fill the void with swinging and sliding. I work with four and five-year old children. We have a slide on our playground. I haven’t gone down the slide everyday, but I am making a conscious effort to go down the slide. I am making a choice to be surrounded by love and belonging.

The slide…

The swing…

Oh what a beautiful morning!

Oh, what a beautiful day!

I’ve got a beautiful feeling…

Clean it or stop complaining! You know that annoying “spot” that obstructs your beautiful view of your world? That’s the one. You know what I’m talking about.
I sat down this morning to have a “moment” of inspiration to start off the new year. I made my perfect cup of coffee. I had my most snuggly flannel outfit on to hug me for my stay-at-home day. This is the “spot” that caught my eye…

I have this beautiful view I had seen the other day…

…and after the snow

All I could see is the “spot”…

Ugh! Every time I would see past it to ponder the new year the “spot” reared its ugly head. I was wanting to sit back, relax, read and write. Finally that little voice inside said, “Get up and clean it or stop complaining”! I stopped complaining inwardly and got up off my tush and cleaned the spot. It took no longer than 5 minutes to get my glass cleaner, paper towels, my shoes on and  clean it up. I needed to clean the inside and and outside of the window to get the spot and the streaks, and the other cobwebs and gunk I found. But what a view…

“My Spot” turned into my moment of inspiration to start my year off. What am I going to focus on in 2017?  If I don’t like what I see, am I going to make changes? Most changes that need to be made are simple things but they are not always easy. I know what I need to do, it is doing it that is sometimes difficult.

Today I chose to focus on being…Present, His Princess, Belonging

Welcome to my sanctuary where the vaulted ceilings are limitless and I must squint my eyes to focus on the divine colors that nourish my ragged soul.

As I enter the Holy of Holies I am met with a tender breath of mercy grazing my flushed cheeks. I inhale the fragrant incense of the autumn air and my lungs are filled with refreshing hope. 

Pain and sorrow meet joy and beauty as a hushed sacred moment of expectancy fills the space where heaven and earth collide. It takes my breath away to be present in this hallowed space. Do I dare gaze upon the beauty of this moment so unexpectantly  thrust upon me? To hold space with life so painful and a joy so divine, every cell of my being feeling the sorrow yet a beauty unexplained envelopes my senses. 

Have mercy on me, this cross I do not want to bear. Have mercy on me for I need ears to hear and eyes to see, and a willing spirit to comprehend. 

My sacred sanctuary filled with life and death alike. My soul longing for rest that only a Lover of my soul can bring. My sacred sanctuary where my Beloved holds space with me and is fully present. My sanctuary…

The road we travel can be scary…

Not knowing what is coming around the next curve is unnerving at times. I’ve faced some challenges over the past few years that have left me searching for answers I never thought I was in need of answering.

I thought the road and trail would look like this…

A lush, green, and smooth trailhead beckoning me to enjoy the journey. Instead I’ve experienced this…a bumpy, unclear and knotted trail…

And this…an uphill and exhausting climb. 
Thankfully I’ve been surrounded by encouraging friends and family who cheer me on in my journey. I’ve also had those divine moments spoken by a stranger to encourage me to move forward. Like this brief conversation from a hike a few weeks ago…

Hiking along the trail we meet a party hiking back down. A lady asks, “Is this your first time here?” “Yes”, I reply. She goes on to say, “You’ll feel like giving up. But don’t. It is so worth it.”

About twenty minutes later we run into a couple with a dog. We ask how much further? “Oh, about three more creeks.” I look at my daughter and ask, “what the heck does that mean?”  
It was actually 5 more creek crossings until we found our falls…

Totally worth the hike, the energy and time spent to enjoy a moment of refreshing.

The knotty trail ended in this beauty…

I’m learning to enjoy the descent along with the climb back up. I’m taking time to stop and notice…

I’m definitely enjoying driving the curves of my glorious mountain roads that twist, dip, turn and beckon me ever faster along my life’s journey…

The forbidden woods are entered with an excited expectation of sights and sounds to behold. An entrance opens to the wilds, inviting me to come explore. The fragrance of pine overwhelms and delights. The carpet of needles pads my footsteps as I tread lightly over the crunch of fallen twigs and acorns. Shadows dance to their rhythmic song of gentle breezes caressing leaves and branches. 

Who has gone before me? Who has entered this domain of tranquility? Evidence of creatures known and unknown. A scampering chipmunk dives for cover, birds flitting and singing their songs of gratitude, evidence of foraging by a doe seeking tender shoots for sustenance. All point me to a resounding sense of peace. 

I’ve been here before. It must be heaven come to earth once again. A caressing of me in beauty and gentleness speaking to my heart once again, “I see you. I love you. You are enough for me.”

The gentle breeze sweeps through the leaves like ocean waves lapping at the shore.  A hint of fall beckons come, fill the crevices of my soul. A stirring, a hope, a scent of musk from fallen trees has aroused my senses. An acorn falling? No, an elusive deer plodding gently through the dense foliage.

A moment taken to silence the noise of my racing thoughts brings a tantalizing dance of refreshing to my mind, body and soul. Wholeheartedly experiencing the present: My eyes seeing freshly. My ears hearing crisply the dawning of a new day. My nose breathing in the cool breeze of change. My tongue experiencing the last aromatic sip of coffee. My skin fully alive with the coolness of the morning.

A moment in time to live wholehearted…

The sultry infusion of earthen aromas caress my olfactory senses awakening a deep appreciation of raw beauty surrounding me on my much needed hike up the mountain.

The sun gallantly has graced me with his abundance of rays trickling through yellow and green leafed trees. Warming my face, my soul and my spirit, whilst starving the mold threatening to run amok in the crevices around me.

Unexpectedly refreshing sights grace my path as I make my way upward. A rabbit bounding out of harms way or the chipmunk scampering under brush out of eyes view.

The dark night of the soul is pushed back as my senses become alive to my surroundings. The crisp autumn air nips and gnaws at my cheeks and nose. The crackle of leaves under foot remind me of the coming winter. My taste buds are expectant for the coming delicacies that will soon be offered up.

How graciously each season slips into my life, a constant reminder that all is the same yet ever changing. A steadfast reminder, that this too shall pass, whether pain and sorrow or joy and laughter. An unforced rhythm, a cadence set before me and surrounding me with hope.