Have you ever felt like you have been on a roller coaster? This summer I lost my job, then I was asked to come and train the people who got my job, then I got my job back. Whew…..Oh course, this is the very condensed version of the past two months. I feel like I have been playing catch up and chasing my tail around in circles trying to get caught up. When I had lost my job I had put a few things off to do later, after the kids went back to school, just to help lighten the blow of not having a job once school started. When I ended getting my job back I was not emotionally or mentally prepared. There were things left undone, but I am slowing digging my way back out. I am getting into the swing of things and trying to find my ‘school rhythm’. I don’t mind roller coasters, I just like the smooth ones like Top Gun at Carowinds, not the old rickety ones that jerk you around. Smooth, gliding…better yet…how about a trip to the beach………….
Wow! It’s been a while since I have written. It is amazing how fast time can get away so fast. Well, the goal of this summer is to try to get my house in order. It has fallen apart over this past school year. I’m not beating myself up…I’m just realizing that it’s okay to let it go for awhile. I know I tend to work better in an organized environment. My head seems clearer and it seems easier to get things done.
I am enjoying my summer. Reconnecting with people seems to be the theme, besides getting things in order. Wether it be people from high school, college or life over the years, it has been good to see and reconnect.
Hope your summer is going well. If you are in Boone, we would love to connect with you.
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There are five teachers that work together in one classroom, a lead teacher and 4 assistants. Two attend churches that are more contempory-charasmaticish, one attends the Luthern church, one a King James only Bible baptist church, and one a Southern Baptist. We were talking about heaven yesterday and what we thought it would be like. One thought there would be no eating, another thought there would be no pets. Would we have houses that would be decorated, or would we know pets we had on earth? I know, a real theological discussion, huh? Maybe not, but it was fun to banter back and forth about our own perspectives of how heaven might be like. I love talking and dreaming about heaven. Here are a few things that scripture says…
Ps 2:4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs
Ps 78:24 he gave them the grain of heaven
Ps 105:40 satisfied them with the bread of heaven
Matt 18:10 For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven
Mark 12:25 they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven
Acts 7:55-56 looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56 “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
2 Cor 5:1-2 we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven , not built by human hands. 2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling
Rev 4:1 door standing open in heaven
Rev 19:14 The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean.
Rev 21:2-5 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” 5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
These are just a few things heaven will be like. There a ton more scriptures that describe heaven and what it has and will be like. I am blessed to work in a situation where we can banter back in forth in a healthy and non-threatening way. We can learn from one another and grow with one another. Sounds a little like heaven, huh?
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The topic of trust has been on my heart a lot over the past several years and really coming into more focus the past few weeks. Here are a few definitions according to dictionary.com…
| 1. | reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. |
| 2. | confident expectation of something; hope. |
| 3. | a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust. |
| 4. | the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust. |
| 5. | charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone’s trust. |
| 6. | something committed or entrusted to one’s care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge. |
All of us has struggled with trust at one time in our life. We have all been burned by people we thought we could trust. We have also not been trustworthy for other people. Honestly, I find myself in a place of not trusting people right now. I am sure there are people who do not trust me. I don’t have a confident expectation, reliance , or surety in people.
I can say I do ‘trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on myown understanding; in all my ways acknowledge Him, and he will make my paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6. I have had to rely on the Lord because I do not understand so many things that go on in life. Psalm 9:10 states, ” Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” I have spent enough time getting to ‘know’ the Lord and His ways that I can trust Him. The word ‘name’ in this context means essence, nature, and character.
But is this enough? Is it enough to trust in the Lord? Do we need to get into a place where we trust other people? Yes, yes and yes. If we do not fully put our trust in the Lord we can not fully trust people. God is ultimately the one who ‘covers’ our backside when things go wrong. The very foundation of my life depends on my trust in the Lord and my knowing and experinceing who He is in a very real and practical way. But how do I translate my trust in the Lord to be able to trust other people? This is where I tend to get ‘stuck’ and find myself right now.
What exactly do I not trust about people? Right now I think it boils down to people being ‘keepers of their word’, not betraying me when I have entrusted my heart to them and not being taken advantage of. When someone says they are going to do something–I want them to do it. Not just talk about it or say all the right things–but do it. I want people to hold in confidence the things I confide in them about. I don’t want them going to others and saying, “Oh, Annette is dealing with such and such” without getting my permission. I guess it’s the persumption that I’m okay with others sharing my stuff with others just because I tend to be transparent in the things I talk about that erks me. Don’t know if that made sense or not but…
Anyway, I still have a lot to stew about on this subject, but at least it’s a start. There will probably more to come on this subject.
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The above question was posed this weekend by a basketball coach that is helping our daughter and some other girls improve their basketball skills. Our family is a ‘sports’ family. Sports is the avenue the Lord has used in our lives to develop character. The visiting coach said some very interesting things that apply to the game of life and not just basketball. The coach has me thinking about areas of my own life that I need to look at more closely. Here are a few of the things he said…
- Talent and ability are given at birth, but skill is not given–it has to be earned, learned and worked on.
- Goal can not be ‘to be perfect’–only God is perfect–but goal is to improve
- Are you driven to improve?
- You can control…
…How hard you work
…How long you work
…Your attitude about work
…Your decisions about your work
…Who you will listen to?
The coach was saying how everyone wants to play the game but few want to do what it takes to develop skill off the court to make us better players. One example is that people will show up to church on Wednesday night or Sunday morning to play the game of ‘church’ but few will do what it takes to develop our relationship with the Lord or one another.
Back to the question at hand…are your dreams and goals big enough to get your butt out of bed? Are your dreams and goals big enough for you to do ‘whatever it takes’ to see those dreams and goals fulfilled? I am currently working as a teacher assistant with exceptional children–I feed, diaper, lift, teach ABC’s, math, get hit, pinched and slobbered on. I wouldn’t say it is my dream job–definitely not my dream pay:)…but there is something precious about working with ‘the least of these’ in our society. I am learning a lot about our society and about myself and coworkers. I am stretched daily in my attitudes…but that’s not my point–I am working and ‘doing whatever it takes’ to help my husband, kids and yes, myself, realize our dreams and goals. Without my paycheck we could not do some of the things we dream about as a family.
We could not have our non-profit ministry Living Hope without my help in the work place. There would be no sporting events, food, trips, vacations, etc. I am willing to work to help make up the extra that the ministry isn’t able to bring in right now. I would love to be able stay at home and work alongside my husband in ministry on a daily basis, even though I still do this in a limited capacity, I am not able to do that right now. The reality is that I will be working for the next 10-15 years outside the home and ministry, unless we are given a large sum of money, to help provide for our family.
It is not ‘just a paycheck’ to me though, it is working hard to see dreams and goals fulfilled in my husband and children’s lives. I am being stretched, developing my skills for life, and doing whatever it takes to get my butt out of bed for dreams to be fulfilled. I don’t want to wait for someone else to ‘do’ something to make it happen, no more excuses…God has given me my talent and ability–I’m ready to do the work needed to see dreams fulfilled.
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I have been thinking about the ‘suddenlies’ of life lately. Several events in the past few months have gotten me thinking about the things we have no control over. First, a friend of my husbands was murdered. It was an awful act of violence in our small town of Boone. John was one of the ministers that help with the funeral. What do you say to a wife, children, parents and siblings whose loved one is so violently whisked away from them? Second, this past weekend, one of John’s friends he grew up with in church and school died in his sleep. Both of these situations hit so close to home. Neither was planned for or could have been prevented.
I’ve been asking the Lord how I can prepare for the ‘suddenlies’ of life. One of my personal ‘suddenlies’ came in 1994. John was losing his job, our rent was going up on the house we were living in, and I found out I was pregnant with my third child in 3 years. These all happened within a 1-2 month period and this after I had already broken a vertebrae in my back at the beginning of the year and had bells palsy. What the heck was going on? Overwhelmed?–just a little. But the real ‘suddenly’ came when I went to a routine pre-natal Dr. appointment at the end of October of that year and they could find no heart beat. My precious James had died at 18 weeks gestation. The feelings of devastation, failure, grief, and why were enough to crush me. Hadn’t I been through enough this year? What was the point? Why do people say such stupid things to people in grief?
Looking back I realized some very important life lessons were learned that year. I had to grow up in some areas that I was very immature. I realized I could get through some very tough things and not be bitter. I realized I had a reservoir of my Heavenly Fathers truth, grace, love and mercy buried inside of me that I didn’t know existed. It took some adverse circumstances to allow them come out but they were there. The one truth I have held onto from that time is that God is in control. I know that seems glib. but it is a truth that rooted even deeper into my heart. Good or seemingly bad, God is the giver and taker of life, He alone knows what is happening and going to happen. He has a game plan for my life and those around me. I also realized there are not always satisfactory answers to every question in life. However, this has become one of my greatest joys in life–the secret things of God–there are just going to be some things in this life that we will never understand or comprehend. I have had other ‘suddenlies’ in life since 1994. I am thankful God prepared my heart as much as possible to help me through those tough times. I am still working through some of those, but I know God has a plan.
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I am always surprised by the means in which the Lord uses to bring healing to my heart. I’ve usually envisioned that “anointed” person of the hour laying hands on me and ‘pow’ it’s done–you know the Jericho wall experience when all wounds, inhibitions, etc. come tumbling down? There have been no ‘walls a-tumbling’ recently but more of a slow melting. A simple thing like Facebook has helped me reconnect with my past life of growing up in Taiwan. At times my life in Taiwan seems like it was a dream from another world experience. I went for years rejecting, not consciously, my relationships and past just because it was too hard to explain or make relevent to the day and times I lived in the present. I didn’t see it as a rich resource but a painful ‘what the heck do I do with this’ part of my life? Now, as friends are posting pictures and going down memory lane , I find myself treasuring and wanting to gleam everthing possible from the people I grew up with and knew while in Taiwan. What a treasure chest the Lord has blessed me with! I know this will eventually flow into the other areas of my life. Hopefully there will be more to come…
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Growing up overseas was a wonderful experience and I would not trade it for anything. However, it did create a since of displacement when I came back to the US for college. I didn’t feel like I ‘fit in’ as an American. I didn’t know the lingo, the lastest fashion, etc. I had no common background knowledge for television shows–the common “Do you remember watching such and such a program when you were little?” left me with a since of being left out and clueless. Needless to say I struggled with not feeling like I had any roots. Where do I fit in? I’m not Chinese ( I grew up in Taiwan). I definitely didn’t fit in there with my blonde hair and blue eyes. I didn’t feel like I belonged as an American even though I could cry at the drop of a hat when I would sing or heard the national anthem.
All of this started a search and questioning within my own soul. Around this time I was reading in Hebrews 11 about all these that had lived by faith. It says in verse 13 “…they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth…16 Instead, they were longing for a better country–a heavenly one.” Wow! This so resounded in my own heart. I wasn’t the only one that felt like an alien and stranger. An alien–what a comfort to know that this earth is not my true home but a heavenly one awaits me! A new feeling of hope welled up within my heart that I had a journey to live while I walked toward my heavenly country.
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Enough of my random thoughts…between the blog and notes on facebook…It has been fun and really has ‘loosened’ me up in the whole area of transparency. I am realizing I have really only just begun to know who I am as a person and woman. I tend to compartmentalize and like all my ‘stuff’ to be in neat little boxes, only to be pulled out for use when I want. I consider myself a very open, honest and transparent sort of person and I don’t tend to offer information unless people specifically ask. You can ask me pretty much anything and I am willing to discuss or let you know how I feel, think or have experienced in that particular area. I just don’t tend to initiate and offer up stuff on my own without being asked. I don’t mean to come across as closed down etc. but I am married to a man who is always ready to talk and always has something to say. He is learning to not talk as much and give me opportunity and I am learnig to speak up and say what I mean. One of my goals is to continue to come out of my shell and be vulnerable and be known for who I really am. It will be interesting to see how all of this unfold.
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As I woke up this morning these random thoughts went flitting through my mind…
…it’s so quite…must be snowing
…I need to clip the cats claws
…We are the body of Christ…why doesn’t anyone ever claim to be the butt or the…well, you get the point
…does any one else ever think about these things?
…a cup of coffee would be nice
…I should go into work for the optional teacher work day
….or not
…Hannah and Wes’ chocolate chip cookies were really good last night
…Lord, bless this day, my hubby and kids
…time to get up and enjoy the quite morning with the kids still in bed…
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A Net of Hope 